Archive for October, 2011

yo baby’s so cute

Posted: October 20, 2011 in Uncategorized

I don’t know if I suddenly just became conscious of it, but what’s with the baby boom lately? I go on facebook, which btw is my only existential stamp on cyberworld (besides Spotify and gmail) and bam! 10,000 new baby photos (okay I’m semi-exaggerating) and they’re not even smiling! Talk about unsolicited exposure. Seriously though, is it that time of the century again? If so, what would we bracket them as?

Far as I know, Baby Boomers were that massive group of people who came of age in the 1960s and set out to change the world. Ya know, those lucky ones of the Beatlemania and Woodstock fame… Bitches. Then there’s Generation X, which according to a certain source “has always lived in the shadow of the Boomers, more often criticized (‘slackers’, ‘whiners’ and ‘the doom generation’) than not.” I find it kinda dubious that such a description is dedicated solely to Gen X, cause really, we’re all guilty of that regardless of what era we’re born in. And then comes Generation Y aka “The Millenials” aka my generation. In hindsight, this generation is described by numerous sources as the best yet. In fact, this short but very sweet article aptly sheds light on how exploitable and profitable we can be, making us, yes, THE best. Hallelu. Bring on the babes! These shitheads make money wells out of us but hey, we’re the best! ANYWAY…

I can almost envision what these adorable angels would be profiled as – Gen Z: The Juice Generation aka Children of the Squeezed. The so-called “best” is now the “squeezed” – my, how the mighty have fallen. Squeezed for time, squeezed for income, and squeezed for services like child care that would help balance earning a living with raising a family. Phew! if these aren’t discouraging realities enough, I don’t know what would be. Still, the juice keeps overflowing.

I have no qualms towards baby-making and people who productively enjoy it to a hilt, but I just hope that everyone of my generation not only responsibly chooses to be parents but will choose and take it upon themselves to be strong and resilient enough to be squeezed again and again, and again. Renounce your right to crack under pressure as early as now, because adding up to Gen Z requires more than just flooding newsfeeds with cute adorable faces and baby showers. And for those who know bat shit about having a spawn, myself included, I think we should strive to make sure that those faces remain bright and smiling. How? In the little things, like using biodegradables and some ish like that. Stop pointing fingers at the government and it’s f’d up policies – it will ALWAYS be f’d up, one way or another. Eat healthier, read more, drive less (I’m one to talk), make sure that in everything we choose to do, we live up to our socio-cultural profile of being the best. Because, all grievances aside, I honestly believe that we are and that we can only yield greatness.

So, to all you new young parents, your babies are perfect. And if you should need a sitter, I’m here. No worries, bite marks are not permanent.



Thoughts On Faghaggery

Posted: October 20, 2011 in Uncategorized

I am a big fag hag and always have been. I’ll bet it’s politically incorrect to use the term but I think my gay friends are okay with it. There’s nothing I love more than a gay man who will talk about fashion or just talk shit with me.

I’ve been assured that gay men are not ALL witty and stylish, well-read and opinionated – I’ll have to take this on faith. In my experience, gay men are fun to be around because they are expressive and REAL. I feel completely comfy and at home in their company. I may even be a gay man trapped in a woman’s body! (Except maybe for my indifference to designers and couture and the fact that I’ve always been a tomboy who loves sports talk and beer). Other than that, I love to look at men’s clothes and don’t mind wearing them if they fit nicely. I’m also biased towards men’s cologne – they smell waaay better than women’s. I’m interested in the arts and I appreciate the theatrical in nearly every context.

I love the fact that we’re always ready to talk about hunky unattainable models and actors and have them as our imaginary boyfriends i.e. James Franco. I like it that in their company I am never bothered by talks of healthy living, hot cars, and getting it on with yet another bimbo for the night. I like learning about Grinder and hearing them whine about their phantom weight gain. I can appreciate their attractiveness without sexualizing it. I LOVE being called Doll. It’s all good.

I drifted toward gay culture because I have always perceived myself as an outsider. I feel like in one way or another, spoken or unspoken, I bond with gay men over shared feelings of social rejection, love of camp, and appreciation of John Waters movies. And for the obvious reason that, hey, we all like men. A lot.

Contrary to the majority’s ignorant perception of this kind of affinity, I don’t seek out gay men because they “make me feel safe.” We seek each other out because we make each other feel stimulated and free to be the bitches that we are, and rightfully so. It is a mutually fulfilling relationship: My gays get the appearance of heterosexual legitimacy and intimacy free of sexual tension; I get a touch of glamour and performance and exoticism.

“The company of the gay man gives the straight woman the potential to express her sexuality without feeling the need to tone it down,” says Justine Pimlott, director of the documentary Fag Hags: Women Who Love Gay Men. “There’s a mutual identification.”

Ultimately, I love these men because they treat me like how I deserve to be treated: like a Queen. I love that having them in my life means renouncing extended bouts of depression in exchange for endless laughter and real camaraderie that seeps into the soul. I love that they accept me for the freak that I am and knowing that no matter what, the feeling will always be mutual.

They will never be ashamed of me and my company and vis-a-vis. And that means the Universe to me.

They’re more of a man than all you straight boys could ever be, and more of a woman than I could ever hope to be.

Now, who wants to chastise me for my terminology or stereotyping or what have you? Bring it. Cause baby, I was born this way.

Before I turn “4”

Posted: October 20, 2011 in Uncategorized

So, what have I learned so far…

That no matter how you justify it, certain people you just can’t trust. Scratch that. MOST people you just can’t trust. That the ones hiding underneath the veil of “righteousness” are the ones you should be wary of the most. You can never know a person or even your own self in a limitless fashion because everyone changes. CHANGE is the only thing you can trust, and I learned that that’s as good as trusting no one and nothing (except for dogs). At least not for the long run. * That no matter how “clean” your record is, something or someone other than yourself will soon tarnish that. And when that something or someone comes around, be prepared. ALWAYS be prepared. * That hard work and dedication do not weigh anything if you’re trying to impress the wrong kinds of people. Hone and sharpen your radar for the wrong kinds early on, and you’ll never waste another minute of your precious time. * NEVER EVER confuse business matters with personal matters. To be more accurate, never take business matters as personal and vis-a-vis. Practice OBJECTIVITY. * RESPECT yourself above all, and demanding respect from everyone else will just come naturally. If they can’t treat you with respect, they don’t deserve any from you – whoever they may be. * That it’s okay to be romantic and to want some romance in your life. That a little cheeze once in a while is good for the soul. That cheeze is what separates us from robots and zombies. * BE YOURSELF. Always. Cliche but oh-so true however old you are or live to be. * That nothing is better than anything half-assed. Go all the way or don’t go at all. That the time to outgrow the in-between will come a knockin’ and that time is NOW. All or nothing. * That my best friends have always been my siblings, and if you have the same relationship with your brothers and sisters as I have with mine, you will NEVER be depressed a day in your life. Then again, guess I’m just lucky. * Always make your parents feel that they’re part of your life. That they’re just not watching by the sidelines. That’s what makes them the happiest, and in turn, will make you the happiest. TRUST THEM unconditionally. They’re the only ones who will always want what’s best for you, even if they can get intrusive and annoying. I love my parents with everything I’ve got, and I’m proud to be their immortality. * That I would cease to be a functional human being without music. Yes, even mainstream music. I’d take what I can get. * That no matter how many times you find yourself at the bottom of the bell jar, EVERYTHING’S GONNA BE ALRIGHT. And that sometimes, all you really need is someone to put their arms around you, and tell you – without judgment or prejudice – that everything is gonna be alright. * That friendships are not forever, but for the time that you are friends, give it your absolute best. * Exhale, exhale, exhale. BREATHE. * Be patient but do not be a push-over. Some things you just can’t compromise, and should not be compromised – EVER. Always ALWAYS fight for what’s right for you. * That after giving it all you’ve got, it’s okay to give up. Until then, keep fighting. * NO REGRETS. Another cliche but escalates in importance with age. * Forgive. Always forgive others but mostly, forgive yourself. * Travel light. Don’t carry unnecessary baggage. Avoid hang-ups – they’re not worth the strain. * GIVE. Just because they’re bums do not give you the right to belittle them. Sure you work hard for your keep but fact is, you’re still in a much better place than they are. So, share. Without question, without judgment. Just give. It’s easy. * Unkindness is the biggest turn-off; kindness (and having the balls to karaoke), the biggest turn-on. * BE KINDEST TO YOURSELF. No one else will be.

Okay, I’ll stop. Til next year when hopefully I’d be as wise as a 5-yr old.

Admit it. In your head, you’re the next best thing since satellite radio, or maybe even better. That everything about you – your quirks, idiosyncrasies, over-all weirdness factor – makes you “the shit” and incomparable. In our heads, we are all so perfectly unique that our absence in another person’s life would be such a blow, he/she won’t ever recover. TRUTH IS: It’s all fantasy. Truth is: It’s all untrue.

We’ve been programmed all our lives to believe that being true to one’s self, that being “real” is the only way to go. But no one has ever bothered to define what being true and real is. Why? Because as with anything, everything is relative. Nothing is as black and white or as clear-cut as we would need them to be. And once this realization hits us, we’re involuntarily plunged into some sort of time-warp dimension which almost mirrors that once-upon-a-time teenage phase experts expertly coin as “identity crisis.” There’s no preparing ourselves for it. Trite as it may sound, it just hits. Without any signal or warning. One day, you’re this “cool chick” who thrives on the unconventional – your friends know you as being such, you pride and love yourself for being such – until something totally insignificant as a sneeze transpires, and what used to be “cool” is not so cool anymore. You find yourself struggling for clarity and definition on what used to be so pleasantly vague and hazy. Suddenly, you find yourself being the exact opposite of the kind of person you used to love and pride yourself to be. Suddenly, you’re exactly the same as everyone else.

Then comes the struggle. Some will struggle to ignore it for fear of breaking the status quo; some will struggle to deny it and then struggle some more to build defenses against it; others will struggle to point fingers at others just to avoid pointing fingers directly at themselves; still, others will struggle to just deal with it, head on, despite the inevitable pain and uncertainty of the after-math. Regardless of how we choose to deal, point is, WE ALL STRUGGLE. There is no easy way.

I can’t pin-point the exact moment when this kind of crisis pushes itself back into our lives, but I think it has a lot to do with growing up, and finally owning up to it. This involves the grueling and sometimes humiliating task of shedding one’s own cool exterior until there’s nothing left but our truest selves – raw, naked, defenseless. It’s like being reborn into the same world but with different eyes, a different mind, and a different heart. Kinda like how Anakin Skywalker turns into the Darth Vader (but obviously minus the epicness) – an individual choosing to evolve into his “destined” self, but essentially, still the same person. Man, I’m a geek. BUT ANYWAY…

My point here is, PEOPLE EVOLVE. We are not stagnant beings. What may be real and true for you at point A will eventually cease to be so once you reach point B. And it’s okay.

You don’t have to chastise yourself for it or beat yourself up with guilt once you start to want what’s right for you versus what’s convenient for all. You might hurt others and hurt yourself more in the process, but it’s okay.

You will have to accept the truth that you’re no more unique than the next person, and that eventually, you can be replaced; that your presence and/or absence in a person’s life is not his/her end-all and be-all. And that’s okay.

This whole phase can be so emotionally and mentally exhausting and debilitating, I assume that there’d be times we’d think we can never make a move again. Or it can be so humiliating and foolish, we’d think we’d be better off hiding under a rock or relocating to the Himalayas. Then again, it could be otherwise.

There, I believe, lies the beauty of it.

That in spite all the transitions we may have to go through in this lifetime, in spite of all the bad and hurtful things that could happen, there is always that brighter possibility of being loved and accepted no matter what.

Until then, I’m keeping my head above water.