It’s not always cool but it’s okay

Posted: October 20, 2011 in Uncategorized

Admit it. In your head, you’re the next best thing since satellite radio, or maybe even better. That everything about you – your quirks, idiosyncrasies, over-all weirdness factor – makes you “the shit” and incomparable. In our heads, we are all so perfectly unique that our absence in another person’s life would be such a blow, he/she won’t ever recover. TRUTH IS: It’s all fantasy. Truth is: It’s all untrue.

We’ve been programmed all our lives to believe that being true to one’s self, that being “real” is the only way to go. But no one has ever bothered to define what being true and real is. Why? Because as with anything, everything is relative. Nothing is as black and white or as clear-cut as we would need them to be. And once this realization hits us, we’re involuntarily plunged into some sort of time-warp dimension which almost mirrors that once-upon-a-time teenage phase experts expertly coin as “identity crisis.” There’s no preparing ourselves for it. Trite as it may sound, it just hits. Without any signal or warning. One day, you’re this “cool chick” who thrives on the unconventional – your friends know you as being such, you pride and love yourself for being such – until something totally insignificant as a sneeze transpires, and what used to be “cool” is not so cool anymore. You find yourself struggling for clarity and definition on what used to be so pleasantly vague and hazy. Suddenly, you find yourself being the exact opposite of the kind of person you used to love and pride yourself to be. Suddenly, you’re exactly the same as everyone else.

Then comes the struggle. Some will struggle to ignore it for fear of breaking the status quo; some will struggle to deny it and then struggle some more to build defenses against it; others will struggle to point fingers at others just to avoid pointing fingers directly at themselves; still, others will struggle to just deal with it, head on, despite the inevitable pain and uncertainty of the after-math. Regardless of how we choose to deal, point is, WE ALL STRUGGLE. There is no easy way.

I can’t pin-point the exact moment when this kind of crisis pushes itself back into our lives, but I think it has a lot to do with growing up, and finally owning up to it. This involves the grueling and sometimes humiliating task of shedding one’s own cool exterior until there’s nothing left but our truest selves – raw, naked, defenseless. It’s like being reborn into the same world but with different eyes, a different mind, and a different heart. Kinda like how Anakin Skywalker turns into the Darth Vader (but obviously minus the epicness) – an individual choosing to evolve into his “destined” self, but essentially, still the same person. Man, I’m a geek. BUT ANYWAY…

My point here is, PEOPLE EVOLVE. We are not stagnant beings. What may be real and true for you at point A will eventually cease to be so once you reach point B. And it’s okay.

You don’t have to chastise yourself for it or beat yourself up with guilt once you start to want what’s right for you versus what’s convenient for all. You might hurt others and hurt yourself more in the process, but it’s okay.

You will have to accept the truth that you’re no more unique than the next person, and that eventually, you can be replaced; that your presence and/or absence in a person’s life is not his/her end-all and be-all. And that’s okay.

This whole phase can be so emotionally and mentally exhausting and debilitating, I assume that there’d be times we’d think we can never make a move again. Or it can be so humiliating and foolish, we’d think we’d be better off hiding under a rock or relocating to the Himalayas. Then again, it could be otherwise.

There, I believe, lies the beauty of it.

That in spite all the transitions we may have to go through in this lifetime, in spite of all the bad and hurtful things that could happen, there is always that brighter possibility of being loved and accepted no matter what.

Until then, I’m keeping my head above water.

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