Posts Tagged ‘best friends’

My “Silent Bob” got hitched. Yep. Another one bites the dust.

“Silent Bob” as I used to call him (and yes, I was Jay) is my SAfrican buddy. Used to be my good buddy. We used to hang out and get high… much like the fictional characters “Jay & Silent Bob” aka the comic book heroes “Bluntman & Chronic.” The friendship was strangely purely platonic despite the fact that we started out being the apple of each others’ eyes. I dunno. It just didn’t progress to anything beyond the friendship lines. Seriously. We didn’t even get the chance to steal a single kiss or anything more than a friendly hug even though we hung out incessantly in the confines of our rooms. Yes, we used to go to each other’s abodes and invade each other’s personal spaces. Yet, nothing happened. Nothing beyond PG.

I don’t know when or how it happened but we just suddenly lost touch. We were both flirting with the idea of being with other people at that time, but nothing serious. Maybe that’s how we were able to maintain the platonic vibe… Or maybe I missed some signals…? Que sas, que sas, que sas.

So, why the sudden recollection? I had a dream about him last night. Quite an amazing dream actually. And you know how amazing dreams always easily evade the conscious zone upon awakening til something in the waking world reminds you of it, like deja vu – well, that’s what brought on the memory lane. Strange how I just thought of him now, and all due to a dream, when we used to be so close. Real life is certainly excellent in providing severance and causing temporary amnesia. It’s a shame. One moment we’re best friends, and in a blink, we’re back to being strangers. Further than strangers. Cause I wasn’t even made aware that 1) he went on to being serious with this chick; 2) they got engaged; and, 3) they got freakin married! Married with a capital M. Holy shites.

Yet, somehow I feel like I abandoned him. His wife used to be this psycho girl who was making his life hell. Using him for rides, for weed, for freakin child support – yeah, the girl comes with a baggage. He’s that kind of a guy, you see. Genuinely nice, patient, dependable. A total dream boat, if I should say so myself. We were both in the cesspool of frustrating partners before we lost touch. He used to always call me, and I used to be always on the road driving to the City towards dbag and/or potential dbag arms. And perhaps, maybe, after a series of absences from yours truly, he just gave up. And I… well, I was too infatuated with the promise of oncoming train wrecks to even notice.

Now, I just feel… bad. I know I shouldn’t. I should be happy for the dude. But I can’t shake off these annoying what-ifs and guilt trips. Had I been more present in his life, how different would the outcome/s be? Would it be any different?

WHATEVER.

I just can’t believe I’ve lost him to the vows of forever with this woman I haven’t even met. I just can’t believe I’ve lost him, period.

And I seriously would’ve dedicated this kick ass song to him had I been invited to the wedding (we used to have the same kick ass taste in music, among plenty others):

BUT ANYWAY. I miss you, Silent Bob. Be happy.

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I don’t like the way you say my name. You’re always looking for someone to blame. Now, you want me to suffer just ’cause you was born wide. But we are best friends, right?

***

You —
got my back
to push to the fire
everytime.

You —
got my trust
to let you
everytime.

You —
amuse me
when you leave me
as you watch
as you laugh by the sidelines
everytime.

You —
listen
to my sob stories
but minus the sob
I hear you yawn
everytime.

You —
drink
dance
snort
puff
share temporary bliss
to make me look stupid
to make you feel better
everytime.

You —
leave me
alone in my stupidity
(cause I’m *cool* with it)
everytime.

You —
secretly laugh
when I openly cry
secretly rejoice
when I openly fail
secretly cry
when I’m openly happy
secretly die
when I’m openly alive
secretly lie
when I’m openly open

secretly secretly —

everytime.

You —
and I
Hello
Goodbye.