Posts Tagged ‘dreams’

I dreamt my own wedding with a man I’m pretty sure I’ve never met. 

I feel the need to try and document this particular dream cause not only is it my first wedding dream in my entire almost 3 decades of existence but also because of the sheer untimeliness of it all, it’s almost cruel really. 

Untimely why? Well, first because I’m single AF. Newly single AF. The man I, up til like 3 weeks ago, was pretty sure I was going to end up marrying (primarily cause I always imagined him looking sublimely good in a suit – judge me fuckers) left me before we even had an inkling of an altar. But that’s another sob story for another glorious day. Second, I spent Friday night watching horror movies before bed time so it couldn’t have been a side effect of that… Then again, maybe it is ha! Which leads to my third and last point: it’s just improbable. At least at this point in my life. 

Not that it wasn’t a good happy wedding dream. On the contrary, it was perfect. It evoked feelings in me that I never thought I’d have. I was never one of those girls who fantasized about their dream weddings their whole lives. In fact, I actually dread weddings so much that I promised myself I’d rather elope and use the money to travel the world. 

And cause I’m not an “askhole”, I took my best friend’s advice and Googled away. 

Per dreamscloud.com

  • Getting married in a dream

    To dream you are getting married may represent your commitment to or partnership with someone or something.

  • May represent a union or merging of the masculine and feminine aspects of yourself.
  • May be wish fulfillment, if you desire to get married in waking life.
  • Your unconscious may be telling you that you have met the one you should marry.

I perused other sites but basically, they all say the same thing. Good stuff, all things considered, so I’m thankful more than anything. Hey it coulda been worse. I could’ve dreamt getting married to a vegan or something… Yikes. No offense to vegans, just not my shot of whiskey. Anyway.

I used to dream about my recent ex a lot. Not those kinda dreams, perverts. Just normal day to day stuff. I used to dream about him even when we’re sleeping next to each other. I think I even dreamt of him once or twice since the break up. Don’t laugh but I used to think it meant something. Like he really was my soul mate. Like even our souls can’t stay away from each other so we meet at some astral plane or some level of consciousness. I know I can be incredibly delusional especially when I’m in love. Then again, who’s to say I’m completely wrong/right? 

Reality. Reality does and reality bites. Good dream though. 

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everytime i see new pics of my jetsetting friends on friendster or get to read about yet another travel adventure on their blogs, i can’t help but ask myself: what the hell am i still doing here? oh yeah, i’m not qualified to be one of them. silly me to even question that. bitter much? nah.

sarcasm aside, i am happy for them. no green-eyed monster lurking beneath whatsoever. it’s more of knowing what i really want and getting it versus knowing and accepting what i’m really meant for. the age-old fate/destiny issue. because i tried, gave it my best shot (to the point of “reinvention” i.e. personality do-over) – twice. and thrice i missed. the first two, i came so close – just a medical away – from take-off. the third time, i didn’t even bother to hope. i just let myself get dragged into trying again but my spirit’s no longer in it. consecutive failures can do that to you. just when you think you’re iron-clad, something big is bound to hit and break you into pieces. til you finally resign to the thought that it’s just not meant to be.

still, the fighter in me can’t help but think that maybe i’m just being tested; do i really want to leave everything behind for a career up in the skies or is it just a bad case of wanderlust i’m trying to cure? i really wouldn’t know either way if, 1) i don’t try again, and 2) i fail again without knowing why or how. but that’s just stupid cuz if i do fail again, then it’d be really obvious dontcha think?

lately, friends have been informing me of FA openings and coaxing me to go to screenings with them. of course, i get all excited and tell them “sure! i’ll give it a go” blah blah til reality sinks in: i like my life now. i really do. it’s not as fab as traveling all over the world with monthly 6-figure tax free pay checks to afford an ala Paris Hilton lifestyle. i’m just another overworked and underpaid advertising slave earning just enough to make ends meet. it’d probably take me years to save for a euro trip, but who cares? at least i still have that dream to keep me going.

people who claim to want the best for me, those who really don’t know any better, would say that i’m throwing my life away. that i’m not making the most of what i have and that i’m not grateful. i just let them talk, apply the art of selective listening, say thanks but no, thanks. they’re intentions are good, sure. but no one can tell me what’s best for me but me. and right now, what’s best for me is being right here. sticking it out with someone who’s working as hard for us to not just survive, but to LIVE. nothing compares to that.

i still dream of conquering the world someday. my world domination plans are just too good to be put to waste. ha! ;p

let’s just say, i’m taking my time in finding the right ally. cause i don’t wanna fail in that. and i won’t. promise.