Archive for December, 2010

Introspection

Posted: December 27, 2010 in Uncategorized

1. I’ve come to realise that my butt: along with the rest of my body, though could use some minor ‘enhancements’, is simply perfect the way it is.

2. I’ve come to realise that when I talk: I lose myself, and I’m far better at writing when explaining something.

3. I’ve come to realise that if I love someone: I shouldn’t allow any other standards but mine to define how I should express it.

4. I’ve come to realise that I need: to assert myself more in demanding what I deserve versus what I actually get or settle for.

5. I’ve come to realise that I’ve lost: touch with almost everyone from my old Manila life but I miss all of them nonetheless.

6. I’ve come to realise that I hate it when: people start acting like unfeeling robots and worse, when those people expect me to act the same way.

7. I’ve come to realise that if I’m drunk: and I mean, totally drunk, I either get downright stupid or surprisingly coherent in talking about my feelings. Either way, I feel pathetic the morning after.

8. I’ve come to realise that money: and I have the love/hate relationship down pat. And yes, it is a fuckin necessity.

9. I’ve come to realise that my mother: is and always will be the most amazing woman I’d ever know.

10. I’ve come to realise that I’ll probably always be: crazy. And hooked on karaoke.

11. I’ve come to realise that I have a crush on: anyone who exudes intense passion.

12. I’ve come to realise that the last time I cried was: watching “Reality Bites” for the gazillionth time sometime within the previous week.

13. I’ve come to realise that my cell phone: will never replace actual face-to-face conversations and actual physical encounters.

14. I’ve come to realise that when I wake up in the morning: I’m on auto-pilot.

15. I’ve come to realise that before I go to sleep at night: background music is imperative.

16. I’ve come to realise that right now I am thinking about: getting my ducks in a row.

17. I’ve come to realise that babies: deserve the bestest of the best.

18. I’ve come to realise that when I get on facebook: it’s a sure-ball waste of time. Then again, time you enjoyed wasting is not wasted. I think John Lennon said that.

19. I’ve come to realise that today I will: just deal with it.

20. I’ve come to realise that tonight I will: sleep. Soundly.

21. I’ve come to realise that tomorrow I will: still be weird.

22. I’ve come to realise that I really want to: sing with rapture and dance like a dervish every chance I get.

23. I’ve come to realise relationships: are not meant to be dissected, just cherished and accepted.

24. I’ve come to realise love: is all we need.

25. I’ve come to realise my best guy friend: is my wonderwall.

26. I’ve come to realise my best girl friend/s: are my gems.

27. I’ve come to realise food: is always on my mind but rarely in my stomach.

28. I’ve come to realise that when I’m a girlfriend: I’m not just a passing ship.

29. I’ve come to realise girls and boys: are different. Not better or worse than the other… Just different.

30. I’ve come to realise over the summer: that where I am is exactly where I belong right now.

31. I’ve come to realise heartbreak: is a dog from hell but it’s not the end of the world.

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Of kissing and whining

Posted: December 27, 2010 in Uncategorized

My coworkers’ daughter, who is four, has been fixatedly curious about kissing lately. No longer is her curiosity within the bounds of the chaste peck on the cheek or the lips. Now she wants to know all about long kisses, the kinds that she sees on TV. She’s tried to long-kiss her mama several times, she leans in slowly with  her eyes slooowly closing.

The other day, I walked in on her at the business office playing alone with her dolls, and caught her making “Koala” and “Horsey” kissing a long kiss, complete with head tilting.

Oh my gosh, she’s almost at that age. I remember being that age. I remember the day me and my cousin found out how babies were made. From that day on, all our Barbies and Kens became sexually active. In the same year, we discovered that her neighbour had a pregnant Barbie whose stomach you could actually open up, with a separate plastic baby tucked inside. It completed our Barbie playtime perfectly! In the span of one afternoon play-session, Barbie and Ken would produce several babies.

As we grew older, we also learned that sex didn’t necessarily always produce babies, but by then we weren’t playing with Barbies anymore.

***

Something I can’t help but notice, why does pessimism, indifference, and cynicism seem to be the attitude of so many people my age? Or to be even more specific, so many “Americans” my age? The weird thing is that it almost seems like a default attitude, a sort of unspoken agreement between everyone that it is better to be caught dead than to be… I don’t know, happy? Content?

There seems to be certain common rules. 1) take every opportunity possible to whine, and find fault with your superiors/ the system/ everyone around you because, 2) everything and everyone is stupid and, 3) you just can’t be bothered with anything with or anyone because, 4) you don’t really care.

Not that this attitude is an exclusively Western thing, mind you. There are people who carry this attitude anywhere in the world. But I just can’t help but admit that I’ve never witnessed it in such a staggeringly large amount of people. I somehow get the vibe that to be happy, and to not have anything to whine about, is seen as being naive, gullible, and complacent. We must use cynicism to protect ourselves from the pervasive idiocy of mankind. Trust too much and you’ll be screwed over.

Like at work, for example. Am I really the only person who really, really loves what I’m doing and who feels thankful every single day that I am challenging myself by being in this profession? Why does everyone around me seem to be whining about how stupid, and crappy, and pointless everything is? Do they truly feel that way, or is it just not cool to be seen liking the workload?

I just don’t understand it.

People at home so easily take up an attitude of gratitude and joy, even if we are screwed over in so many ways every single day. We easily see the good in each other, and we partake in happiness every opportunity we get. It’s free after all.

Maybe I am naive, and overly-idealistic. But I just can’t help but easily feel grateful for things. I find it hard to see anything or anyone as entirely stupid or pointless, because I know there is a reason for everything even though I may not know what the reason is yet.

It’s really all very strange.

 

It’s been said that, “To attract attractive people, you must be attractive. To attract powerful people, you must be powerful. To attract committed people, you must be committed. Instead of going to work on them, you go to work on yourself. If you become, you can attract.”

Many people want some extraordinary things but their self-image limits them on what they actually receive. A person cannot attract to themselves that which is greater than the way they see themselves.

For example, as long as we think and act like a smoker, we’re sure to keep smoking regardless of the patches, hypnosis, drugs or other cures we may seek. The same goes whether we’re wanting to lose weight, find a mate, or find a more satisfying career.

Until we begin to think and act like the person who has the things we desire we’ll never attract those things.

Think about this at an observable level. Birds of a feather do flock together. An honest man will not attract the friendship of thieves. A capitalist will not attract the companionship of communists. People who like to moan, complain and generally despise all they have in life will only be able to maintain the company of other like-minded individuals. A grateful, enthusiastic soul would quickly remove themselves from such company. They would find it draining! Misery loves company, this is true. Equally true and much less quoted is the fact that so does happiness! This is the Law of Attraction in action.

It is not enough that we desire whatever it is we desire, we must act in a way that allows us to attract into our lives the people and resources that will encourage and teach us the path to desires.

People who have successful marriages don’t think and act the way they do because they have successful marriages, they have successful marriages because they think and act a certain way. The same is true with people who have accumulated great wealth. They have wealth because they think and act in a manner that is conducive to attracting it.

Many people work very hard and sacrifice a lot in an effort to create the best life possible. But they are frustrated beyond belief and cannot understand why “life is so hard” or “why life continues to deal them such a poor hand.” Life is only hard because one believes that it is. Life will continue to deal a poor hand to those who believe that it will.

People do not attract what they want, but that which they are. “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” I, for one, have always been into “nice guys.” At least at a superficial level. Everyone who actually knows me would say I’m far from belonging in the cesspool of “nice girls” – at least not in the superficial level. Does it mean I don’t get hurt or burned just because I go for nice guys? I wish. But I have. And I still do. Point is, I am attracted to them because they’re exactly who I want to become, and maybe they’re attracted to me for the same reason – to some degree. Yes, they can be douchebags but so can I. No one’s perfect. A nice guy is still a person, and being so makes him imperfect. We can drive ourselves mad trying to rationalize so and so’s behavior or behavioral shifts but we should know better in believing that that’s a futile feat. People act the way they do not because they just want to fuck others over (yes, I still give this much credit to the inherent goodness of the human race). We act the way we do, not because we don’t know any better, but because we don’t know everything there is to know to actually be better. Story of the human race. Doesn’t make you or me any better or worse than him or her – we’re all simply different. So, the only way to attract what we want is to change the way we’re thinking about ourselves in certain situations. We need to get a different picture. Even if it is hard to believe. It’s been said that the longer we tell ourselves a lie the more we will begin to accept it ourselves.

In all reality though, we will be telling ourselves the truth. The truth is, we are winners, and we can have the things we desire. Many times, we just need to change our expectations. No matter what negative circumstances we may find ourselves in, we need to expect things to turn around in our favor. When we stop working on what it is we’re trying to get, and start working on changing the way we see ourselves, only then will we get what it is we want. When we change our thinking, our results will change.

***

It is not where you are or who you’re with but who you choose yourself to be and therefore, become.

Hey Under 30s Crowd, Have You Overdosed On Narcissism? (Got this link from a friend’s blog but for some reason, it no longer redirects… Hiiiiyaaa!!)

“A new study points to disturbing data about Generation Y’s supposed lack of empathy, aggressive behavior and inability to form relationships.”

I think the inability to form relationships part holds true with alot of people from this generation. It’s just one of those basic, natural functions we’re slowly losing.

Isn’t it crazy how those influenced by Western culture are slowly losing their ability to perform the most basic, inborn, human functions?

People don’t know how to eat anymore and have to be told how to eat, and what to eat. (Strangely enough, in Eastern cultures, anorexia/ bulimia is an unheard of concept. Supposedly, when the Dalai Lama first heard of it, he started crying because he couldn’t understand how or why a person could hate himself so much… Just a story I heard.)

People don’t know how to exercise, when to move your body is one of those natural joys of being alive that is given to us for free.

Many people suddenly don’t know how to sleep, even though it’s a function that’s supposed to come naturally, and it’s something we had no problem with as kids.

People don’t know how to love anymore. All of a sudden it became this difficult, dangerous, complicated thing, or something that restricts your freedom, when human beings have been living, and loving, and starting families since the beginning of humanity.

People don’t know how to just be, in their own bodies. A body used to be just a body, but now there’s a “perfect body” we all strive for, and so long as we don’t look like Jessica Alba, we continue thinking that there’s something wrong with us. I’ve read so many studies that have shown that this obsession with body image is predominantly a Western thing. Yep.

So, what will we forget next? How to breathe?

***

HELP!

When I was younger so much younger than today, I never needed anybody’s help in anyway

Until yesterday.

Yesterday…. all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they’re here to stay.

WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH I’m such a sap.

***
Lesson I relearned: it’s okay to need people. And when you do, you can’t be choosy and you run to the only person you have.

***

I just had a hell of a past two days.

It involved a major emotional breakdown (yesterday), then a more controlled emotional breakdown (today), but I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay!

(Though I did go slightly psycho and snapped on my best friend… Ugh. Bad timing, bad joke, bad day. So, dude. I know we said we’re “cool” and all, but I still kinda feel bad… I’m a sap, you know that. And if you’re reading this or not – preferably not – I’m sorry.)

It suddenly occurred to me while I was driving yesterday that it’s therapeutic to drive when you’re emotionally breaking down. Driving is different. You cover more ground, and you can adjust your speed according to the fluctuating intensity of your emotions. Make sure you don’t break the speed limit though, and make sure you sober up a bit during the decision turns, because those can be fatal.

Well, ANYWAY.

There have been few times in my life wherein I’ve needed people in a desperate sort of way. As in a literal, physical, tangible shoulder to cry on. Sometimes a phone call won’t do. Sometimes, I need someone to physically collapse on, a prop.

I think this whole culture of independence we grow up in has done me more harm than good. I am absolutely ashamed of needing people. I find it very had to ask for help with the important things. It’s embarrassing to be a “burden” on other people. And I hate letting people see me cry. I feel like I lose my dignity when I do. But my tear ducts ALWAYS fail me, hence I always feel like scum after.

We’re all seemingly trained into thinking that neediness is a form of inadequacy but I’m starting to believe otherwise. I think that in allowing ourselves to need other people we affirm how much we value and trust them.

It’s not wrong to need people. They actually appreciate it when you invite them into your life; when you allow yourself to need them.

And that’s something I have to learn, I know.

***

So… yeah, I’m okay.

But I seriously do feel (and most prolly look) like death.

Gotta love winter.

I don’t necessarily agree with the title but if you ever get the chance to, check out a pocket-sized little book called “No Tattoos Before You’re Thirty” by Sam de Brito. It’s basically a collection of witty, but useful/important advice the author is saving for his unborn children. The tone is very blunt, and tongue in cheek; advice given in a “guy” sort of way. And yet, a lot of it is quite moving. A lot of the advice he gives dwells on ‘issues’ parents are too embarrassed to tell their kids.

The book is divided into two parts: one part giving “daughter advice” and the other giving “son advice.” The “daughter advice” he gives ranges from:

“Don’t be the drunk chick.”

“Don’t roll your eyes at people.”

“Always stand up for old people.”

“Don’t talk to babies with cutesy voices, it shits me.”

…to things like:

“Never call boys first.”

…and,

“Orgasm involves teamwork, be patient with men.”

(I can’t remember any of the exact quotes, so I’m paraphrasing.)

Some of the daughter advice that made me laugh were:

“Don’t ever date a professional athlete, actor, or musician. If they’re successful, they’ll cheat on you, and if they’re not, they’ll be broke forever.”

and

“Take lots of pictures. You may think you look dorky now, but trust me girl, you’re just gorgeous, and you’ll want to have memories of it to look back on.”

One piece of daughter advice he gave that I found quite touching was…

“Don’t ever let anyone humiliate you during sex.”

and basically explaining that a woman should never do anything she doesn’t feel comfortable with, and that walking away and being a bitch is heaps better than becoming some guy’s porn fantasy.

That is somethings sex ed doesn’t teach you. Don’t you think that message will make more of an impact coming from your father, the strongest male figure in your life, than from any woman you know? But how many fathers would actually be comfortable enough to tell their daughters that? And yet, isn’t that such a caring thing to tell your daughter?

In school we’re taught the basic, technical stuff, and even the religious stuff, but nobody teaches you how to tell when a guy is trying to screw you over, or what to do when your boyfriend is pressuring you, or what to do when he’s going too far, or how to stand up for yourself. Every woman has had her own experience/s  with sexuality where she is left feeling slighted/ taken advantage of. And I do mean every woman. Why is it that we can’t say the same for men?

I, for one, wish I had learned how to stand up for myself when I was much younger. I wish I had someone tell me as it is. Damn Catholic school. All they teach you about sexuality is guilt and modesty, which you can’t really defend yourself with. They teach you to avoid bad situations, but not what to do in a bad situation.

Women usually get their sex ed from other women, but I think when it comes to the ‘unwritten lessons’, fathers should sit down with their daughters and tell it like it is. No other male will ever be that honest with you, because no other male will care about you as much as your dad. Plus, fathers were young and gago once, so they know how it all works.

I don’t know if sons would want to hear things like that from their mothers, but they should definitely talk to older women. Speaking of which, this is some of the “son advice” he gave:

“Have an affair with an older woman. By the time you hit 21, you should already have had a sexual encounter with a woman ten years your senior to “demistify” what sex is, and learn the ins and outs from someone with true experience.” (or something to that effect)

Hahaha well, I really don’t know about that, but if it makes men better lovers, well… men are entitled to their secrets, just as women are 😉

Another piece of advice he gave was, “If you can make her laugh, you can kiss her. If you can kiss her, well you can do other things.” (Well, humor always gets the girl.)

He also wrote about how important it is to charm a girl’s mother, keeping your finger nails clean, having manners, and making conversation with her, because if you win her over, then the father will follow. (I think all Pinoy boys already know that.)

Anyway, it’s a pretty good book. Try and check it out.