The return of the Auf’d

Posted: November 8, 2010 in MUSIKA, WHOZITS & WHATZITS

Apart from that Stars song “Your Ex-Lover Is Dead” eerily morphing itself into my life or vice-versa, a lot of “God, that was strange…” has transpired. I shouldn’t even be surprised. I think I have lived a good amount of this crazy life I’ve been bequeathed with to know and accept that serendipity is still steering the wheel – crazy things, strange encounters, retrogrades… these are the norms in this journey.

In an effort to be more specific, yes, a lover has returned. An ex-lover. The ex-protagonist has managed to steal some of the limelight yet again. After six months of nothing after a previous six months of everything. How can anyone be so cruel as to reappear just like that. No apologies, no nothing. It’s as if he just woke up the next day from the last night we were together six months after, and bam! Good morning, Sunshine. M says hello! I was then driving towards Williamsburg where my friend Jean managed to invite both ourselves into an “Excalibur” party at the former kisses lounge – and yes, on  a working week night. My heart stopped when I saw those digits. I long since erased all contact from the boy in question, but somehow those digits seemed very familiar. So it didn’t really come much of a surprise that my suspicions were confirmed. It is him. And he’s back.

A few days after that reintroduction, I saw him. I don’t know why I felt that I had to when I long since buried him out of my stream of consciousness. What we had was not much but I felt I needed the closure. Or maybe it was just a case of plain curiousity. Anyway, I did. And the thing that struck me most about that whole encounter was the very strange familiarity of it all. Everything seemed as if it’s been suspended in time. The scenery changed but not the situation. Even he still looks the same. Talks the same, smiles the same, moves the same… Nothing changed. That’s what hit me. Because I changed. Significantly. Comparative to him and the scenery that came with him. And though in my mind I killed him ten times over, I couldn’t help but feel a sort of tenderness for this sad creature trying his best to seduce me back to his world where I long since departed from. The statement “Honestly, my life has become better and better since you disappeared from me.” couldn’t have been more honest since I sincerely did not utter it out of spite. My life has become better and still getting better after March. Life works funny that way sometimes.

We still keep in touch and there were quite a few rif-raf encounters. Like many, he’s still trying to get what he thinks he wants simply because he can’t have it – again, in our case. Why do I keep him around? I don’t know. Maybe cause he amuses me or maybe I really do want to be friends. Or maybe, just maybe, a part of me still wants to be respected – by him. Respected as a person and not just a piece of ass he enjoyed last winter. Maybe a part of me needs that kind of redemption that only he can give. Or maybe I’m just a bitch. Simple as that.

We’ll see.

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