..for a while.

Used to “look down” on people who needed to be high just to have a good time. I’m not washing my hands off the crime but I know I can do without. It was never a need. Escapism is the real culprit behind it. Life can be so grilling that by the end of the week or each day, you just want to break free.

Sometimes I think I’d be better off with a kid or something. Or a pet. God, I miss my dogs. someone that’d consume all this energy I have in me. I really have too much energy for one skinny girl, and that’s what gets me in trouble.

No, I’m not making excuses for my behavior. I’m responsible for my choices and I’m not one to point fingers. It’s all on me.

Bottomline: I had a fun night. In spite of everything. But it wasn’t me. The stupidity took over and I was a shooting star.

I’m more than glad to have burnt out in the morning. the crash, as always, is painful. and my heart breaks for the unnecessary casualties. I did what I did and that’s that.

And though I’ve no face to show for it, I’ve no regrets. Cause I understand more now. I do.

I was stupid but I’ll be fine.

***

I love it cause it makes me not care. I tend to care too much normally. Even if I don’t want to. It’s like my heart gets a life of its own and triggers a massive empathy rush. And anyone who’s in their supposed right minds would say that that’s no good. I relentlessly abuse the right side of my brain, so I really wouldn’t know.

Anyway.

So yeah. I think I’m close to unveiling what my purpose here is. It’s not gonna be something grand in earthly terms neither would they have any statues built for me long after I’m gone. No, there will be no statues in my name. That’s a total waste of art. I’m starting to accept the possibility that I would not have an easy and ordinary life. I would probably be “alone” or “single, never married, no children” in social status. I probably would never get to have all that. And it’s perfectly alright. because I will be happy where I’d be. And it would feel so right and I would be complete.

My life will be is extraordinary. It was written. I believe.

***

It was tough being a single legal alien in a city where almost all your girl friends have kids and all your guy friends have issues. Correction: It was tougher. Kids, issues, alcohol and drugs DO NOT MIX. And I just had to break away.

And in a not-so distant island, I found them. Rather, they found me.

I am yours now. So, now I won’t ever have to leave. I’ve been found out. So, now I’ll never explore.

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