war is love is a stage (december 2008)

Posted: July 21, 2010 in PEACE.LOVE.UNITY.RESPECT. FREEDOM
Tags: , , , , ,

“i’m sorry.”

thousands of miles away. time zones in reverse. the last day of all last days. before the fireworks. before the final curtain drop. we were one. we were connected. and though it’s just by audio, it has been the first of many firsts. and that made me believe him more.

he sealed the happy in my new year. so much so, the heavens decided to give me a new year’s kiss.

from somebody else’s lips.

the apologies ended with the year.

the first time, i was very much still a girl. i didn’t know any better. i gave and took everything that i shouldn’t have. i did not know any better. i thought he had all the answers. i thought that if i just let him take the lead for a while, i’d have it all figured out too. but he didn’t have the answers. he was also very much still a boy. despite his track record, he still did not know any better. at least not in the way i thought he had. so i had to lead us to the exit. and on the opposite sides of the theater that staged our play, we walked on.

the second time, i tried to still be that girl. i tried to make it seem like i know better. i gave everything i felt i should. i gave to the last drop. i tried to know better. i felt he had all the answers. i felt that if i just let him take my hand and walk side by side, we’d have it all figured out. but he, too, didn’t have the answers. he was also very much still a boy. despite his short list of long term episodes, he still did not know any better. we tried to teach each other to the point of tears, he and i. we tried so hard to fight off the oncoming end. but the curtain has already fallen, separating us. one half revealed, the other concealed in the shadows. the applause echoes on. blaring like a thousand beatings against my soul. i can hear it still even in slumber. even in the arms of another.

i tried to play two distinct roles, thinking that i would pull it off in the next one. the first time, i took more than i gave. and i failed. the second time, i gave and i gave and i gave. i still failed. sala sa init. sala sa lamig. what role is left for me to play then?

to you, my third (and hopefully my last) shot at this charade – pardon me. i have tried to be the last one, twice. and twice i failed. i’d still try to build up the woman in me. i’d still try to believe that you exist. i’d still try to keep the leading role open for you and only you. if ever you’d come around… when you come around, again.

While my heart goes all out for you,
my mind goes out to someone else.

What weighs more then?
Who’s worth more?

You have my heart, you are in my heart;
Someone else has my mind; is always in my mind…

What weighs more then?
Who’s worth more?

If the heart is but an instrument of the mind, then there’s no reason why you shouldn’t rule my mind. But I found my own reason. Rather, that reason has caught up with me, with us.
Still you have my heart, you are very much still in my heart;
Though someone else is overruling my mind.

If the heart is but an instrument of the mind, then there’s no reason why he shouldn’t be ruling my heart. But I have my own reason. Rather, that reason has always and would always have me.
Still he has my mind, he is very much in my mind;
Though you are the king of my heart.

What weighs more then?
Who’s worth more?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s