the evolution (january 2010)

Posted: July 21, 2010 in CINEMATICS

It’s fascinating how a certain movie that we’ve seen once, twice, or a gazillion times at one point in our past strangely becomes reality in our present, right before our very eyes. And there’s always this one character, this glamor goddess with the sad eyes and an even sadder story, who we just love to hate mainly because of how she looks and mostly on how she manages to waste that very beauty and everything that’s so excruciatingly perfect about her, trying to get the one thing that she really wants but can never have. We probably would’ve judged her as “the idiot” as that kind of woman that we won’t ever find ourselves to be like in our real lives with real people. And so the movie ends, our lives go on. On and on, never stopping. The movie, the “idiot girl” -all forgotten. And then one day, you get sick. Down with say, the flu or could be just over fatigue, when the body can no longer keep up with the mind.. that sorta thing. So you stay home, overdose on meds, try to will yourself to get better before sundown. Then suddenly in the corner of your eye, you see this old and tattered bootleg copy of that movie with the idiot girl, and you say to yourself, “Well, well, well. What have we here? Man, I love this movie.” And so you watch it. You see her, the idiot girl of your past. You listen more closely to the dialogues, watch her more closely.. And you think to yourself, “Wait a minute. She doesn’t seem so extraordinary now. She seems rather familiar, actually. Can’t quite put my finger on it but she really reminds me of someone..” Then it hits you. Faster than you can press the pause button. The once idiotic girl who seems less extraordinary now.. She reminds you of YOU. She has become you. You have become her. The one character that you promised yourself to never be like in the real world with real people, that glamor goddess with the sad eyes and an even sadder story -you have managed to live her life out as your own, totally oblivious and unaware until now. First stage: DENIAL. No, it can’t be. I can not be that woman. There’s no way I’ve reduced myself to just that. 2nd stage: ANGER. F*ck you (insert name). You make me feel cheap with your kind words. Yet even so, I still oblige. F*ck you for deceiving me so exquisitely. F*ck you for knowing my weakness and being exactly just that. F*CK YOU. 3rd stage: BARGAINING. Just let me be the moth girl. I hate martinis and I really don’t like strappy shoes. So let me be the moth girl. One man’s moth could be another man’s butterfly. 4th stage: DEPRESSION. Light a cig. Take deep drags. Exhale. Silence. Reflect. Write. Write it all out. Document this moment of truth. Let it sting. Let it burn. Let it be fictional. Life is but a dream, anyway. Nothing is real. 5th stage: ACCEPTANCE. Abre los ojos. Open your eyes. Open your eyes. Open your eyes. Open your… You’re awake. Welcome back to your life. No, nothing has changed. You are still you, and everyone else is still everyone else. And the movie? Well, it’s still just a movie. And the idiot girl? Still an idiot but at least now, she’s aware.

Everything starts from awareness.


Be aware.

Abre los ojos.

Monet’s “Vanilla Sky”

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