outta sight, outta mind (april 2007)

Posted: July 21, 2010 in Uncategorized

my college bestfriend cheated on her fiance. major shocker.

i hate to judge. especially since we haven’t really kept in touch once we went our separate corporate ways. i don’t know what she’s been going thru or how she’s been dealing except for the newsflash of her engagement late last year. and i thought the ring finally sealed the deal. that it actually meant not just the promise of forever but the actual beginning of forever.

***
and i also thought that i got her figured out. we were really close, like long-lost sisters. from that day in reg when she shifted to comm and didn’t know anyone, i knew we’d get along. the angsty rocker vibe, could-care-less attitude, multiple earrings on each lobe — we were two of a kind. later in the day, i found out that we lived in the same village. a 15-minute walk from my house to hers. from then on, we were inseparable. so much so that guys actually teased us of being lesbo lovers. we just laughed it off. any addition to our duo often chided us of having our own world, which without our knowing, always left them out of place. we used to drink everyday after school in her room and when we’re both wasted, would turn into silly laughing while crying sessions. we both got tattoos on our lower backs for our 19th year of existence. we both got bored enough one lazy saturday afternoon to head to the mall and have our tongues pierced. we both have uber strict parents so we both had to sneak out of our houses late at night and force our guy friends to pick us up and drive us to whatever gig we planned to watch that night or to whoever’s party we want to make an appearance in. we saw each other thru – silly crushes, heartaches, family problems, insecurity issues, academic hassles, drastic changes, alcoholism, smoking up then throwing up, pass-out episodes – everything.

***
i thought i had her figured out. like i let her figure me out. i thought that despite all the obvious differences, we were of the same mold. i thought i knew her enough to believe that she is an amplified version of me. i thought that like me, she’s capable of pulling off the craziest acts but never directly and intentionally hurting another. never in my worst nightmares did it strike me that she’s actually capable of cheating.

guess i thought wrong. i underestimated a person’s capacity to change. for better and for worse.

***
i am affected. because i still care. and because i looked up to her and her ex as my chosen set of parents. i called them nay and tay, and they called me ‘nak. i lost the support of my real legitimate parents when i chose to be independent. looks like i just lost another set, and to think with them, i didn’t choose out. this makes me sad.

***
what bothers me most is the realization that every one really has the capacity to cheat. not just guys.

even me. even TJ.

***
one of my friends said, sooner or later it always comes to that point. what remains to be seen is who and when.

i sure hope she’s wrong. like i’ve been proven wrong with all the rest.

***

PS. i have had my share of drastic changes. but it didn’t come to a point wherein i willingly compromised my self-respect. that’s what makes and keeps me stubborn so shoot me.

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