no drama (june 2009)


I started this year with resolutions. Something I haven’t done for quite some time. One of which is to build solid relationships here, in this place where Fate has swept me off to. And as all things that my mind makes up, I braved forth. I started building.

I started making a life here. Not a remnant of how it used to be, but something totally new. I refurbished myself into a combination of how I used to be and how I am now -a product shaped out of love, defeat, and lessons learned. I started going out, embracing the kind of party lifestyle I long since bid adieu to. I began hanging out with people from different colors and races, and of course, had to speak non-stop of that nose bleeding American English with the much-needed so-called “accent.” I kept my weekdays exclusive to school and work -the responsible stuff, and kept my weekends free for myself and my family. I started weekly trips to wherever the seemingly endless parkways take me. I adapted. Rather, I let my surroundings adapt to my kind of thinking and living. I remained OPEN. A portal of sorts through which CHANGE in all forms and disguises take place, day in and day out. And with these new experiences came new people.

As contrasting as they are with my expectations, I let them in. Because they were different, there were quite a few disappointments. With the disappointments, came doubt. Still, I remained stubborn. I keep giving these people chances to rectify themselves. I allowed myself to be more tolerant of bullshit and nonsensical mind games -two things that people here seem to get a real kick out of. I tried to be more than just the nameless acquaintance, more than just the Friday night drinking buddy. I tried to be a FRIEND.

And I guess, sooner than later, I’m bound to be slapped with the reality that friendship here is as much a shallow commodity as casual sex, or that it requires a certain “exclusivity” and an overdosage of possessiveness that’s stifling and limiting further emphasized by stupid labels of “she’s MY friend,” “the original four,” and all that high school stuff. A total recipe for disaster, especially for someone like me who abhors those kinds of “mine” claims. Yes, I am your friend. I can be your whatever. But I AM NOT YOURS.

I AM DONE. I have had enough of the pointless drama, the immaturity, the games, the labels, the shallow good time ties, and ultimately, the lack of respect and regard for the time and effort I so genuinely invested on into being a real friend and more. I am done.

Thank heavens that in the process of building, I have gained barely a handful of intensely wonderful individuals that deserve their rightful places in my heart. I still have that big fat check mark on that particular resolution. As for those who can’t see beyond their selves, feel free to take a hike.

Nice to know you. Have a good life.

I know I would.


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