my name is mary jane (may 2009)

Posted: July 21, 2010 in Uncategorized

My name is Mary Jane. I used to be a living doll.

I had freedom. I could talk. I had a choice. I could do what I please. I had emotions. I could feel. I could feel a lot.

I was the most beautiful doll in a toy store. Then someone owned me. She treated me like her baby. Bathed me, combed my hair, dressed me up. We would eat together, go to the park, watch the stars. I was happy belonging to her. Until she began to outgrow me. She began to cut my hair, let one of my arms dangle, and leave me soiled and sticky for days. She would abandon me on the porch and leave me for the night. Sometimes she’d use me to smack her dog. I was heartbroken. But there were times, when the sun shines bright and the flowers bloom and give colors to the world, she’d hug me & kiss me and tuck me in with her in bed. Those moments would sustain me, give me the will to live. Those were the moments that would give me reasons to watch over her every night, to shoo away all evil spirits, to chase away bad cats and sinister fairies who wish to steal her dreams. Those were the moments that make me say to myself that I’m alive. That I’m a living doll.

But, alas, like dreams that fade when we wake up, like books that are closed after the last chapter is read, everything has come to an end. As childhood is outgrown, her love for me began to wane and she took more to a doll called Barbie. I was so jealous. I would cry every time I watch her comb its synthetic blond hair. I would die with envy every time I would see her play with it on a thing called dollhouse. It stirred hatred in me that I would call the bad cats and let them drag the long-legged doll outside the house. She would always cry every time she would find it outside. And I would die again, every time. I breathed my last when one day, she looked at me and said, “I would give you away, it’s for the best. Her name is Sarah, she’s an orphan. You will make her happy.”

I belong to Sarah now.

I don’t cry anymore. I don’t think evil thoughts anymore. I don’t feel jealousy or anger anymore. I’m not a living doll anymore.

I’m just a rag doll.

But Sarah is happy. And she is happy.

He was a GODSGIFTTOWOMEN. He seeks comfort in their smiles. He finds pleasure in their attention. In his mind, they want him. In his hand, they dance in delight.. He ogles them, chats them up, serves them pieces of sweet-nothings and let them taste nights of dream-come-true’s… He taunts them, makes himself a bait until they bite and he has them in his hands hook, line and sinker… But at the end of each girl, each woman, each rendezvous, each meeting, he finds in his heart, clouded through the years, is his one true love. –Teleute

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