my birthday wish (september 2008)

Posted: July 21, 2010 in Uncategorized

…is now but just a fragment of how i wanted my world to be like. i don’t need to make one. i already have more than enough to last me til my last birthday candles. i feel i’ve already or more appropriately, am on my way to being the best person i could be.

the journey to that ideal self, i know, is and would never be easy. i had to make unbelievable sacrifices, and with that, had to hurt some very important people in my life. unbelievable in my case because i’ve always been the emotional type – that has always gotten the better of me. somehow, i learned to put my emotions aside, way way back in my mind, and let reason rule. by sheer will alone, i have managed to peel off my heart from my sleeve and safe-keep it until i know i can afford to be irrational again. when that is, i have no idea. i have battled with God for control over every aspect in my life for too long now, and have always ended up in the losing end. i can’t make everything turn out the way i want them to be. i accept that now. thus, i surrender.

despite losing almost all of my friends because of certain realizations and the hard choices i had to make, i feel more blessed now. sure i have barely a handful of friends, but those who are left, who i chose to be left with are the true ones. tried and tested. i am proud to say that i am blessed with three – no need to name drop, you know who you are – of the greatest people in my life as my true friends; they will always be a notch higher than a love interest. boyfriends, girlfriends – they come and go. TRUE FRIENDS are and will always be there no matter what.

i will gladly take a bullet for any of you any given day.

THANK YOU for the understanding, the respect, the time and effort, the embraces that run deep through my soul, the meaningful silences and the priceless conversations – i can go on and on – rain or shine, through thick and thin, for better or for worse. i will never run out of reasons to be grateful.

all my birthday wishes from heretoforth will always be for you. let’s continue the journey to being the bestest we can be. (i swear i’ll do whatever it takes to make sure that the word “bestest” be included in the dictionary. if not, “bestest” will always be in mine. it’s just too good a word to be considered “wrong.”)

Thank you, I love you, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.

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