it was 2:30 am (january 2010)


..and I began to write, finally.

hold the wheel and DRIVE.

My eyes were so tired it became hard to draw the distinction between what’s real and what’s not. I lied in my bed and found nothing but darkness. My room isn’t my room anymore. My bed not my bed, my home not my home. And the walls faded. Dissipating barriers making what’s concrete questionable. And all that seemed real was the beam of moonlight casting a shadow upon the outermost corner of my room. My imagination conquered me; body, mind, and soul. AND I THINK I LIKED IT. I was in that place, then, between what was my reality and what was my fantasy.

It’s as if Mother Nature has gathered her creations to stand outside my window and played her music. They sang their lullaby while they scurried down their mother’s green veins. She extended her branches and came to life. She waved. Tapped on my window and my conscience kicked my leg. The noise grew louder, louder. The shadows did their thing. And the fridge made that humming noise I hate to hear when I’m alone.

Yet before I can indulge my senses in a dream world of infinite possibilities, I was drawn back to these simple shapes and silhouettes that haunt me. Before I embarked on this journey toward Wonderland, there was something that must be accomplished. I can’t leave. I can’t sleep. Not yet.

My job’s not done here.
There’s simply.. more to be done here.
So my eyes stay open.

But why this sudden feeling of unfulfilled potential? It comes from a sense that I need to be a part of some supposed looming hierarchy. Guess I got too caught up in that mess during this hiatus from the “employed” life. My mind is used to traveling in one direction; Work. Work. And work. And I guess lately it’s been hard to get inspired. Call it an existential crisis. Or just call it writer’s block. Uninspired.

But really? This is what’s keeping me up? CAN’T BE. AND IT WON’T BE.

It’s a fast-paced world for a generation that only knows how to move at a fast pace. Because we are so privileged to have such technological advancements and resources readily available, I believe it’s time to SLOW down. Only MOMENTARILY. Breathe. Look around…

There are things beyond this realm. We’re supposed to see things beyond what we see. Look past palpability and visibility. The true transparency is in you and me. To look through each other and see we’re the same. See our true responsibility.. these are things that matter.

Sleepless nights are horrendous. Sometimes I feel lost but, at the same time, I think they’ll get me some answers and I’ll end up finding something. Inspiration.. it’s everywhere. And I’ll keep you posted every time I find it.


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