if i were a butterfly (december 2006)

Posted: July 21, 2010 in Uncategorized

fight-or-flight signals blinking on-off and on again. almost made me wander off again… then a big yellow butterfly reveals itself out of nowhere. fleeting from above down to my face-level. gliding slowly like feather falling to the ground.. falling so gracefully, it hurts. i wish i can fly like that.. fall like that. perhaps then, you’d never want to take your gaze off me. and i won’t ever be kept.

i do have a knack of pushing people’s buttons. seldom do they care to know that it kills me everytime. i have to feed the monster every once in a while. if you can’t handle that, leave. if you can, stay. it’s out of my hands. i can’t change overnight. i’m no butterfly.

signs, spirits.. they’re all around. i do believe. see, it just appeared out of nowhere. and so perfectly in sync with the scene, right on cue as if rehearsed. what’s calming about it is, i knew instantly what it’s trying to say and what it meant. if you’ve got nothing to lose, you become open to everything. to the world, to the otherworld… it’s not so scary after all.

thanks for reminding me that i can depend on no one else but me. i so needed that. i mean it. minus the sarcasm an shit. makes me wanna go “oooh, it’s amazing. with the blink of an eye, you finally see the light..”

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