edge (november 2006)

Posted: July 21, 2010 in Uncategorized

i am emancipated. i am HAPPY. because im GRATEFUL. that im LOVED.

yesterday, i kissed hello to my key to freedom. im officially on my own. as exciting as it all may seem, i still can’t stop. my brain from thinking too much. way too much. and i just cry…

out of fear. because i feel so helpless. what am i doing? im jumping into a lifestyle im not sure i can afford. im still just a kid. playing grown-up games. no, this is not a game. i actually have real worries now. real reasons to cry.

the outbursts come as they please. but they never seem to leave. it just stays somewhere inside like cancer. it kills. and i know it’s killing HIM more.
no one can ever come close to being half the man you are. not even a fourth. or a quarter of a fourth. YOU’ve proven yourself. and im proud of YOU. so very much.
i dont know why im being like this. i dont know. and im sorry. sorry. sorry.

half the time im flying free. with my favorite allies in the whole wide world. in those moments i am invincible. we all are. everything’s just the way it should be. in dreams.
the other half of time crashes with me. and it takes so long. so damn long. to land.

i chose out. then again, i had no choice.

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