at times, when we fight, a certain point becomes an out of body experience. the essence of me wanders off to a past dimension, to a past scene with a past love.
i don’t know if i should be guilty for thinking of the person before you during these moments of hopelessness. i don’t know if it’s normal or is it signs that i’m losing it. i’m losing you. rather, you’re losing me.
i’m tired. but i’ve never been one to raise the white flag. i shut up at a point when words are no longer enough to make you bleed. i shut up while in my head you’re being tortured in countless ways and my soul wanders off to the ghosts of my past.
lashing out is in my auto-pilot default set-up. i’m really no longer there. but you’re not aware. you’re never aware.
truthfully, the thought of losing you doesn’t scare me anymore.
that’s what scares me.
and it really doesn’t help when you’re chosen theme song for our fights is Jeff Buckley’s Last Goodbye. and mine is always, always Israel’s Son.
“You know that when I hate you, it is because I love you to a point of passion that unhinges my soul”
– Julie de Lespinasse
i don’t hate you. still, my soul remains unhinged.
fuck relationships and its woes. til now i don’t have an answer to why people get into one.
i feel like shit. because you don’t have a clue and you’re still so damn good to me, you are.
“I don’t want to be lonely. I just want to be alone.” – Daniel Johns
i should be shot for my thoughts.
And my mind plays hopscotch 